Simple somethings

I will warn you, this is not my usual happy "simple pleasures" post. I'm sorry.

My simple pleasure this week was just finishing the week. Things have been rough, and i've been pulling the 'i'm fine' line again. on Good Friday, I blew up. Over something relatively simple too, so I knew it was time to call the doctor and let them know something needed to change. They upped my dosage for zoloft again. I'm still not 100% happy with that office and I really need to find a primary care physician so I can see someone face to face, but at least the ob-gyn is trying.

so this week I was supposed to see how I felt and then call back. I don't know how I feel. I'm still anxious over things, I'm still easily angered and I feel like I have very little control over things. and with these symptoms, I have to wonder if I really even have PPD. Yes, I have little interest in things I used to enjoy. I cry easily, but more often I scream easily. I have days I just want to stay in bed all day- but don't we all? so, I have no clues. I had a better week this week then the last one, but I still just don't feel 'right'.

Noah isn't sleeping and that doesn't help the situation much at all either. and please don't tell me to try crying it out. I got so desperate that I did that one night. it took us 35 minutes for him to calm down and stop crying (we checked on him every 5-8 mins), and then he only slept for an hour. so it's better on me to just go in and soothe him then to hear him cry and STILL get no sleep. and he's learning things so quickly that now I constantly doubt whether I'm providing enough stimulation for him or not. I have so many worries about being a good mom that some nights I just cry for fear that I'm letting him down.

i don't know where I'm going with this, but there it is. sometimes the simplest pleasure of them all is just making it through another day.