12 days

I only have 12 days left until I have to go back to work :-( I'm not looking forward to this at all, I've been dreading it since before I even left on maternity leave. I wish I could be a stay at home mom, but with our bills there's just no way. Even if I cut out phone, cable, and internet and sold one of our vehicles, we'd have a hard time making the mortgage without both of our salaries.
and I miss the times when it was standard for women to stay at home.

i'm just so afraid that i'm going to miss things. I have no doubt that Noah will remember who his mommy is, I'm already his favorite person. But I'm terrified i'll miss his first time rolling over, or his first time crawling, or any of those things. It kills me inside to know that someone else will be there for it. and even though the people that will be watching him are my mom and joe's mom, it doesn't make me feel any better about leaving him. I'm into attachment parenting. I know my sons cues and I know what he needs. He rarely cries, and we both like it that way. I get tired of hearing people say "it's good for his lungs to cry", or "it won't hurt him to cry". The point is, if he's crying he needs something and it's my #1 job as his mother to take care of it. I don't believe a baby can be spoiled. I just have this vision of him crying all day when I'm not with him. and I know it won't be that bad, but I do worry that my mom or Joe's mom will attempt "Cry It Out" while I'm not around. Maybe I can win the lottery...then I could stay home with him all the time.

It doesn't help that I'm going back to a job I don't absolutely love. But then again, after 'mom' has been my job for the past 12 weeks, no job would be able to compare.